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The Talk of TJMC – A Culture of Complicity

The Talk of TJMC – A Culture of Complicity

Posted on March 3, 2018 Posted By: Achsah Carrier Categories: Announcements, News & Views, Staff

Like every other Monday morning since I started at TJMC-UU in 2015, after our ministry staff team meeting I picked up my mail and sat at my desk to sort it. I came to “the note” towards the last. As I read the note, my breath stopped…not like a metaphorical stop, it actually stopped. I couldn’t breathe and at the same time I wanted to vomit. I must have made some kind of sound because Alex came out of her office and stood in my doorway and asked if I was alright. I could only hold my hand out in a stop motion so that she wouldn’t come near me, I couldn’t image anyone touching me in that moment.

When I finally took a breath it was to begin a keening cry of rage, anger, hate, hurt and sorrow. In my mind I was desperate to know where my children were and remembered they were at school.  I didn’t know what to do; I couldn’t stay at church and I didn’t want that vile piece of paper in my hand so I took a picture of it, handed the note to Alex and asked her to get it to Wik. I ran from the building to my car and drove away. Do you feel it? Do you feel my humanity being stripped away in one quick motion? Do you feel a mother’s terror at thinking this person who has hate in their heart for me knows my children?

This is not the first time a member of this congregation has anonymously attacked a staff member.   Rev. Leslie Takahashi recounts this event:

In the winter of 2008, we were conducting a church-wide exercise in visioning and we asked people to send in their wishes/hopes/dreams. One was not signed and it said something like: “My hope is that we never have to hear Leslie’s (derogatory words) voice again.”

We raised it with the Board however their sentiment was that it was just one voice. That incident was part of our decision to move on because it was clear that there was not commitment to protect me as a minister of color. Glad to hear the Board has a different response today.  In faith, Leslie

But let me be absolutely clear…the congregation as a whole and individually are responsible for these types of racist attacks. Let me say it again, if you are reading this you bear some measure of responsibility for this attack. Because it is a congregational culture of white supremacy that made this person feel it was entirely appropriate to have these thoughts, had them affirmed and then acted out on them. This congregation is complicit in creating an atmosphere in which those thoughts and feelings thrive and were then born into action.

And in the time I have been here, I have experienced a myriad of ways the congregation has exerted its white supremacy culture into my ministry. In the following examples I urge you NOT to focus, discuss, perseverate and try to form an opinion as to merits/demerits of each specific incident but rather look at how together they would contribute to a culture of complicity. How someone in the congregation being part of, or witnessing, these conversations would come to a place of comfort and affirmation in their racist thoughts about me. They would feel not only justified in thinking of me as “less than” but comfortable in expressing those thoughts in whatever way they thought appropriate. If you’d like the link to the document explaining these categories of White Supremacy Culture you can find it here:

  • Micro-aggressions: telling me I speak well without an accent, telling me that my sons Quinceañera is just like a Sweet 16 birthday party and then arguing with me when I said it is not, asking me where I’m from and when I say Los Angeles replying “no, where are you really from”

  • Perfectionism: Finance committee members feeling like they had less input into budget development when it was the same process, the only difference was I completed the draft budget rather than the former treasurer, a white male minister. Making a mis-assumption that I do not understand how to use Excel and then talking to others about that assumption before ascertaining if it is correct (it is not.) Staff rarely hearing about what we are doing right, only about when we are not living up to someone’s perceived standard.

  • Sense of Urgency: Questioning why calendaring request for events months in advance were not on the calendar with urgency.  Every request for staff time comes with a sense that this must be our priority as well. That my requests that we consider how our participation in racial justice efforts in our community effect communities of color are met with “we need to do this now, it is urgent we don’t have time to be discerning, we have always done this project, we feel good doing this project.”

  • Defensiveness: when I have suggested that treatment of me has elements of racism it is met with “but they didn’t mean it like that.” Staff and leadership spent enormous amounts of effort trying to make sure that individual members of the congregation wouldn’t get upset about going to a Program Budget rather than being able to assume that those members would be curious and want to give something new a try to see where it could lead us. So much so that when I don’t spend this time to make sure everyone will be ok, when I assume that leadership is what you want and what I should give, I am viewed to as too uppity, too full of myself.

  • Worship of the Written Word: Last year I took vacation time accrued from when I first arrived, it was suggested that since I hadn’t asked for the accrual to be documented that it was not proper to take the time. Such documentation had not been asked of other staff in similar circumstances. When I questioned why I alone on staff had an offer letter that eliminated the payout for medical benefit I was told the policy had been changed, but when a white colleague later challenged this for their own benefit, it was found that the policy had not been changed. It was the element that this potential policy change had not been written anywhere that led the discussion and hours/months were spent trying to research if/when the policy may have been changed. Once a decision was made to uphold the policy as written, another line in the policy is now under review and has put the decision on hold once again.

  • Either/Or thinking: We can either have a balanced budget or we can have a program sized church. We can either take care of our infrastructure or we can try to pay at the fair compensation guidelines. Chris can either work on Racial Justice or take care of her DAF duties.  Chris can either spend time on denominational service or take care of TJMC.  

  • Power Hoarding: The tendency to use and view pledges as barometers of how a person views staff/leadership performance. The same small group of people have power whether or not they serve in direct leadership capacity. Criticism of my ministry from any of in this small circle has consistently set the tone for how others view my ministry.

  • Fear of Open Conflict: Budget documents passed around at last year’s Annual meeting that were unsigned and contained factual errors related to my performance.

  • Objectivity: The idea that if we can’t have specific measure of how the staff performs then our assessments are not valid. Being told that it is hard to do my assessment because leadership had to be careful about any criticism because it could be seen as racist.

  • Right to Comfort: People of Color only seating section at Jesse Jackson made congregants uncomfortable, and because they did not understand it they tried to exert their right to comfort by seeking an immediate change to the seating plan rather than trust that I knew what was needed by our communities of color.  Later I was told that this was reverse racism.

    • I have appreciated your many notes, emails, calls and messages of support and encouragement. Many of you reached out to say how glad you are that I am here, that my family and I are in your thoughts and prayers. I really appreciate all of those expressions…AND I, WE people of color, need your BEHAVIOUR to change. Let me say it again, thoughts and prayers are lovely AND we need your BEHAVIOUR to change.

    And if you don’t think any of the above behavior actually made a difference in the culture of white supremacy which led to me receiving that note, let me just challenge you to this…just try it…try and change your behaviour and let’s see where that gets us. Set up an accountability circle, and decide on actual behaviours you are going to change and then check in with each other. When you are uncomfortable take a moment to check in with your circle. Maybe nothing will change…and maybe everything will.

    So here are some behaviors we need to change at TJMC-UU to make a shift into a culture that embraces Anti-Racist Anti-Oppressive Multi-Culturalism (ARAOMC):

    •  You will not undercut my, or any staff’s, ministry anymore. The time and effort we spend thinking about how you all are going to react to every level of decision making is exhausting and makes our entire congregation, and our ministry in particular, ineffective.
    •  We are going to assume that you are behind us…all the way…for EVERY decision we make. Because you called us to this ministry…and we are finally going to take you at your word
    •  If you have a concern about our leadership, you will come to me (or Wik or Leia) directly, that’s it…no stopping off anywhere else on your way to us. If we cannot work it out, we will seek the help of an appropriate facilitator AFTER you have met with a clearness council which will help you work through your concern with an ARAOMC lens.
    •  But other than that, we are going to lead…because that is why you called us. If, after participating in the process named above, you don’t like where or HOW we are leading, you will need to leave the issue unresolved without undermining our leadership or leave or ask us to leave.
    •  We are going to fully fund the budget. If you are here you are all in. No more using your pledge like a weapon or an assessment of staff’s performance. It is a pledge of your financial commitment to this church, its mission and our service in ministry. Because as long as we are looking inward at our perceived scarcity we are not looking outward at work that needs to be done in the world.
    •  Everyone will make some stewardship commitment as able in their circumstance:

      • Financial and/or

      Volunteering (RE, Buildings and Grounds, Worship, committee service, making a meal for staff, something!)

      Support the Board of Trustees as they navigate these new waters.

      Are you concerned that the Board isn’t getting something done, ask how you can help rather than assume something nefarious is at work.

      Wondering about a decision? ask that person and then sit with the answer for at least a week. Or better yet take it to your accountability circle and discuss.

      Check in with the Board, how can you help support their leadership and success? What do they need?

      Bring at least one idea to the Racial Justice team about how we can be active in our community, directly supporting communities affected by mass incarceration and deportation. And then be prepared to not act on any of the ideas that you brought but support other ideas which might come from these communities. Why these communities? Because it’s what we said we’d do when we passed the Black Lives Matter public witness statement. Now is the time to act on that commitment.

      •  Celebrate our ministry (Board and Staff), this is a church, we are a people of a joyous noise!

        • Let us AND THE CONGREGATION know when our work touches you spiritually, makes a difference in your life, the life of the congregation, or the community

        Affirm our decisions, even and ESPECIALLY when you are not sure about them

        Specific to me, your religious professional of color, this is LIBERATION THEOLOGY at work. Because of systemic racism and oppression, I start off from a place miles behind my colleagues. It will take your intentional amplification of my ministry just to bring me to the same starting point (equity) as my ministerial colleagues….and it always will. This is the work of dismantling white supremacy.

        And if you see yourself complicit in any of the above and right now as you are reading this you have already formed defensive thoughts….you will please STOP…stop right now. Stop being defensive and start being CURIOUS. Curious about what grounds your defense, what cultural assumptions ground that defensive posture and then questioning again…can you really support any change in the world with just thoughts and prayers? Because our Unitarian Universalist theology gives a resounding “no” to that question and if you are not prepared to change your behavior then it is time to think about whether you are here as a Unitarian Universalist or as a social club.

        For the past 4 days as I walk by my office door, I have not be able to even pull out my mail. My hand starts to shake and my breath becomes ragged. As I walk into my office I try to tear my eyes away from looking at my inbox. I don’t know what awaits me in there. I’ve taken to asking another staff member to go through it, to make sure it is ok for me to see. I have had to change my behavior based on hate brought to me by this congregation.

        So I ask you again, as I have sacrificed my safety to be in community with you…what are you willing to sacrifice…what change are you willing to be in the world…what discomfort are you willing to bear…how will you change your BEHAVIOUR in order to work for our mutual liberation. Because anything less is keeping us in chains.

        In the words of Assata Shakur (featured on the wall of my office):

        It is our duty to fight for our freedom

        It is our duty to win

        We must love each other and support each other

        We have nothing to lose but our chains.

        YoUUrs in service,
        Christina Rivera
        Director of Administration and Finance