Oh Mother,
from Caroline Heins, RE and Office Assistant
Let me tell you about strong women out there who were already stretched to their limits dancing an intricately choreographed balance between work, community, family and parenting, when suddenly and unexpectedly they had to take on so much more. This is a story about the mothers who are now embodying the role of primary teacher, full time household manager, groundskeeper, head chef and sanitation specialist to an unrelentingly full house every day, all the time.
These mothers had no warning that suddenly everything was about to change. Before the change, they were doing a juggling act with schedules and support and anyone would be impressed with the fantastic job that mothers were doing. Then, when the change came, these women stepped up to the plate and took on so much more to support the people they loved, to keep them safe, nourished, educated and fulfilled without schedules or supports. Suddenly the net was gone, but mothers were here to fill the gap.
Not all mothers experienced this change the same way. Some were also trying to reinvent everything about the way they work and where they work while simultaneously managing a full house and a full-time job. There were others readjusting their entire lifestyle in order to accommodate a new financial reality. Suddenly managing a tight household budget to meet their family’s needs when mere months ago family finances were secure. Some women were working on the front lines and finding ways to support their children while shielding them from the threat of infection. The new reality of motherhood has changed drastically for every mother and never have mothers been more needed.
There are other mothers out there who’ve faced this disease directly, trying to parent while also being terribly ill. There are also mothers who are isolated away from their children and learning to connect from afar because no matter the distance, a mother’s love is true. There are grandmothers who are not able to hug the grandchildren they love so deeply. They too are learning new ways to connect with the ones they love.
We all know and love a mother. Every single one of us is impressed with an amazing superwoman called mother. It may be your own mother, your sister or the woman down the street, but everyone’s life is impacted by a mother. If you know a mother, send her gratitude for all she is doing. Understand that no one is always perfect and forgive her shortcomings, because to be a mother in times like these is to take on a great task. If you are a mother yourself, know you are appreciated and needed. Remember to care for yourself as you care for those around you. Mothers, you are amazing, and I stand in solidarity with you.
Thank you, Mother spirit. Thank you, Mother Earth. Thank you, Mother Love. Thank you, Mamma.
April 8, 2020
In a time of Physical Distancing we must remain Socially Connected
by Caroline Heins
Just today I was standing on my back deck loudly conversing with my next door neighbor who was on his back deck. My daughter and the little girl two doors down also yell back and forth to each other while they play in our back yards. Human beings are social creatures. Our whole lives are built upon many levels of social interaction. From the intimacy of family relationships to the formality of business interactions, the human experience is shaped by the culture and customs of constant social cues.
Its so hard to experience a major crisis and realize that the most important way you can help, is to stay home and not interact with others at all. It is reminiscent of the sidekick in a movie who is told just before the hero goes in to fight the villain that he needs to stay in the getaway car and keep a lookout! Of course we feel the need to venture out and help, but in order to be a part of the solution, it is important to shelter at home and do our best to avoid others.
Social isolation is not healthy though. People who experience prolonged social isolation often experience health problems such as depression, poor sleep patterns and other serious issues. Often older people experience more social isolation than younger people without the added complication of a worldwide pandemic.
Perhaps “Social Distancing” is NOT the right course of action in this pandemic. After all, we all need each other, and we want to help each other. Perhaps the better way we can help is “Physical Distancing” by maintaining our physical distance while reaching out to socially support one another. It is absolutely true that we MUST maintain our physical distance and remain at home as much as possible in order to suppress the spread of a dreaded disease. It is equally true that we MUST maintain the social bonds that we’ve built and not forget that people need interaction.
Try to reach out this week to someone. Try to think of someone who might be feeling socially isolated. Perhaps an older friend or family member who lives alone would appreciate a call. I’ve been asking my children to write letters and mail them to grandparents and aunts and uncles as part of their school pursuits. If you are feeling socially isolated, reach out to someone you know, or just Email the office at the church and we’ll help you connect to a friend. Feel free to request a church directory by calling or Emailing the church office at office@uucharlottesville.org.
The TJMC community is here and we support each other. We are staying socially connected by having regular meet-ups.
Leia Durland-Jones hosts a weekly online “church chat” on Tuesday afternoons from 3:30-4:30.
Sean Skally hosts weekly training in how to conduct online meetings on Mondays at 11:00 AM.
We have an all-church Coffee Hour on Sundays from 12:15 – 1:15 PM.
If you would rather stay in touch the old fashioned way, Leia is matching people to be “special friends” who write letters and pictures to each other during physical distancing and will meet each other when we come together again as a congregation. There are SO many ways to stay connected with the TJMC community.
We even have a TALENT SHOW scheduled for this Friday at 7PM and we’re looking for participants!
Check out our website, especially the Events page, and blog to see the MANY ways to connect with our congregation.
It may be necessary to practice physical distancing for the health of our community, but it has never been more important to maintain our social connections to one another.
Thank you,
Caroline Heins
office@uucharlottesville.org
March 27, 2020
Hello Beloved Church Family,
If you’re like me, you’ve spent this week on a roller coaster ride of emotions, trying to decide what is best to do in a moment to moment sort of way. It seems as if every day brings with it a new set of life-changing information and circumstances are tenuous.
It took me a while to identify why I am experiencing such strong emotions when I am going about my day, but I now recognize the experience of grief. I am grieving the loss of community that we have at our church; I am grieving the loss of routine that I fought so hard to establish; I am grieving the stability of control over day-to-day activities and choices.
Perhaps your experience is different. Perhaps for you everyday is full of overwhelming work caring for the sick or providing necessary resources such as mail delivery or keeping groceries available to the community. Childcare is difficult, you are uncertain that your workplace is safe, and you are working every day in difficult circumstances. Perhaps you are faced with difficult ethical decisions during your workday.
In my home, I have been trying to overcompensate for all the things I perceive we are lacking as we navigate this crisis. I’ve attempted providing a comprehensive home school regimen for my children. I’ve been holding myself to an impossible standard for tidy house. I was doing all of this while still trying to maintain a full-time work schedule from home.
What I do know is that, though our individual circumstances may differ, we are all in crisis mode together. We have in common that we are all facing feelings of grief, insecurity and fear.
In a recent check in with a close friend and colleague, I found myself on the brink of tears as I tried to overcompensate for the many things that needed attention. My friend reminded me to breathe and to realize that I have permission to take care of myself and that I can forgive myself for the details I miss.
The message I hope to share with you in this time of crisis is to forgive yourself for the things you aren’t able to do. Make time for yourself, apart from others. Allow time for your mental health and give yourself time to be quiet. Give yourself a break from the onslaught of news and changes – you will be able to catch up later. You have permission to let things slip through the cracks. You are not alone in your feelings at this time and support is available to you. Support is only a phone call or Email away.
If you are feeling isolated or alone, consider joining one of the many online meetings being offered at the church, the times are listed below. If you are unsure how to do this, just reach out – there are multiple trainings being offered by church staff. If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, allow yourself the chance to take a break and forgive yourself for missing that online meeting or conference call.
Most of all, practice self-care during this time. Whatever emotions or feelings you are experiencing are real and valid. Find some time or space to sit with yourself quietly and address those feelings. Help is available if it is needed, but as long as you are caring for YOU, everything else will fall in its place. Self-love is TRUE love!
With love,
Caroline Heins
Church Office and Religious Education Assistant